"My Not So Dirty, BIG Secret"

Shhhh! I have a secret.  Do you want to know what it is? 


I have no idea what I am doing. 


Not just in a whole life encompassing sense (because this surely affects my whole life), but more specifically, I barely know what a blog is, let alone how to create, publish, and keep one. 


Why then, you ask, would I be launching a blog if I don't know what it is and am entirely afraid of such an endeavor? Here then is my next BIG secret.


Because God told me too.


So, here I am, very nervous and very hesitant to begin on this journey, but somehow entirely assured and at peace with the fact that I am making a right step. Such a conflict of emotions. I've actually been putting off His request for some time now. 
It seems to me that my fear has been driving me. I have a fear of failing. I seem to go out of my way to make sure I do everything right and am as fully prepared as humanly possible. I read a lot. In fact I read other folks' blogs, and listen to their teachings, and I think to myself how wonderful they are and how they are saying things so clearly and so well, and how I couldn't do as well as them. I fear, I doubt, and I find myself thinking of how I don't measure up most of the time. But then God sends people in my life, like my amazing husband, who's wisdom and truth are abundant, to ask reflective questions like "who's holding the measuring stick, Amy?" 


But that is just the point. When we get caught up in these thoughts, we are really not relying on and trusting in God the way we should be. Instead we are too concerned with our own abilities, and worldly definitions of success and achievement. We assume all these hopes and dreams, that God Himself has instilled in us, aren't going to work out. Yet we can read through Scripture and see all of the times where God called someone to do something that looked impossible to the world. 

When God whispered to me to begin this blog, He said "tell them about your relationship with me Amy. Tell them what I'm showing and teaching you in your everyday life".  This encourages me, because it sounds like the Call to spread the gospel, as is found in His Word. So, I am going forth. While I am hesitant to be sharing my weaknesses, imperfections and limitations openly with you all, my hope is that someone out there can relate and be encouraged to step out as God calls them to also.  

You see, God often calls people out of their self imposed boxes and restrictions, not necessarily to impact the world all the time, but impact ourselves as individuals and those nearest to us. I once heard someone say, "You don't have to leave your house to do Kingdom work", and I've never forgotten that. And I hear loud and clear in my Spirit tonight, "You don't need an agenda or a platform. You are the platform. And God is the star." It's always been about Him anyway. 


God said to me one night a few weeks ago, smack dab in the middle of a pity party I was throwing myself, "There will always be a way to fail, but I AM the only way to succeed."


So now is my opportunity to redefine "success". 


Success to me, won't be achieving popularity or profit through this blog, but is and will be in the continual stretching, learning and growing with this new endeavor God has called me to, that otherwise wouldn't of happened if I was the one ultimately in control.


Success in His eyes isn't attaining an end, it's listening for, and moving in the direction of His voice, and obeying what He's calling us to do. Because that = growing our Faith and Trust in Him. Almighty God, Our Father, Our Friend.


So somehow, under all the fear and doubt, I come to find that I am made for more than just inviting the glorious into the blessed but mundane life of a stay at home mother and wife. There is more than my trying to survive through my days and make the most of life, attempting to bless God, and His Kingdom, in the process! 


I remember always saying to myself and everyone when I first became saved, "The best is yet to come".  Now I realize that the best is yet to come not because of all that He's going to do for us, in us and through us, but because of our steady growth toward Him, and in increasing our knowledge of Who He is and Who we are in Him. We truly are and have nothing without Him. He is our everything! Drawing nearer to Him in all we are and in all we do is our reward!

Hebrews 12:1-2 

Amplified Bible (AMP)

Therefore then, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses [who have borne testimony to the Truth], let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us,

² Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

More of You, Less of Me, God. Thank you for this opportunity to grow in faith, hope and love in You! 


And thank you, All, for the opportunity to share with you.

Blessings and Peace, In His Love, 

Amy